N.I.C.O.L.E

naughty. indecisive. critical. outspoken. loving. eclectic.

All the things that get passed around the office, and this is the one that’s stuck out to me lately… Sigh. I’m sappy… I know. There’s just something about him. Not to mention… I’m looking at 12 like “Yes, that’s what I want.” :D

1) You’ve Got it Goin’ On

It takes two whole people to make a whole relationship. This means you enjoy a full life with friends, family, a career and social life that fulfill you. You’re confident, and you don’t expect marriage to instantly fix your problems.

2) You Enjoy the Mundane Moments

Marriage is not one long date. Being ready to get engaged means that you truly enjoy each other’s company. You’re okay with just being together sometimes, even while running errands or doing chores.

3) You’re Ready to Burn your Little Black Book

Marriage means being exclusive with one person for the rest of your life. In many cases, it also means forsaking contact with exes and anyone else who may threaten your union. If the idea of monogamy makes you feel secure and confident in your relationship, then engagement will be a comfortable next step for you.

4) You Bring out the Best in each Other

Cheesy, we know. But ask yourself if this person makes you a better person. Are you kinder, more patient and more pleasant to be around when your snookums is near?

5) You’re a Team Player

Compromise isn’t always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 100/0. If you want to vacation at Disney World but your mate would rather go to the Bahamas, then a 50/50 compromise leaves you both adrift in the Atlantic Ocean. You’re ready to get engaged if you can handle not getting your way sometimes. It’s not about winners and losers. It’s not about being a doormat. It’s about using “we” statements and serving someone besides yourself.

6) You Cheerlead for Each Other

Before you swap rings you should already be each other’s biggest fans. When your sweetie masters a level of Guitar Hero, you’re there with a high five. When you complete that 5K run for charity, your honey surprises you at the finish line with a gift certificate for a massage.

7) You’re an Open Book

There are no off-limits topics with your main squeeze. You can get real about your worries, dreams, frustrations and mess-ups without fear of being judged. You can cry when you feel like crying. In marriage, living as a 24/7 partnership, there’s no way you can keep your guard up all the time. If you and your significant other enjoy a “you can tell me anything” relationship, then that’s a great start.

8) You Fight Fair

Every couple has conflicts. It’s how you handle them that makes the difference. If you can disagree respectfully, then your relationship is headed in the right direction.

9) You have Similar Values

You both want kids. Or you both don’t want kids. You’re both savers. Or you’re both spenders. You two don’t have to share a brain – after all, part of the beauty of marriage is that you’ll complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses – but it helps to be headed in the same direction. If you already agree on the big stuff, then smaller issues, like who does the laundry, will be easier to tackle.

10) Your Friends and Family Accept your Choice

Your main squeeze shares car care tips with your dad and sends birthday cards to your grandma. If the people who know you best give your sweetheart two thumbs up, then that’s a green flag to pop the question.

11) You’re Thinking Long Term

You start brown bagging your lunch and put the savings into a “rainy day” bank account. When picking out new furniture, you opt for the king-size bed so there’s room for two. You make long-term plans together, like booking a ski trip for next Valentine’s Day, because you assume you’ll still be a couple.

12) You’d Elope

Do you want a wedding or do you want to be married? The event is fun, but it lasts only one day. Would you still want to spend the rest of your life together even if there were no dress, cake and Cha Cha Slide? If so, then your desire to get hitched is probably coming from a pure place.

Today we planted some gardenias and azelas in our front yard.  We also hung some beautiful pink flowers - love them.

the difference between mine and joe’s families is extremely remarkable.  i realize that i’m grateful that my family is amazingly accepting - and even though they want joe and i to get married, they don’t exclude him from the term ‘family’ because we aren’t. i understand that it is not joe’s complete family, but the fact that they just allow that part of the family to push everyone else around and decide who is considered ‘family’ when they are in town is ree-dick-u-luss. sad thing is… i’m not even sure it would change if we got engaged… if that ever happens. i can say though, that, if it does not change or get better and this is year four… i’m not sure if i can accept that going into year five.

Inventions

if i could, and i would, invent something that allows people to telepathically share each other’s thoughts. however, these thoughts could also be filtered, so that you’re not constantly sharing your thoughts with other people. furthermore, they would also give universal signals of danger - so let’s say something like 9/11 happens, instead of having to turn on the news to digest the latest news, you could tune into the president’s shared thoughts and get the “state of the union” digest for how the US would respond. 

it’s impossibly amazing to consider a world where people could freely digest information with a thought.

To be, or not to be - That’s the question.

My thoughts are slowly eating me from the inside out. I love my boyfriend very much, but sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do him. Everyone I’ve ever known says that we’re perfect together and that we should get married, everyone except the one person that it matters coming from.

My boyfriend is a wonderful, loving man. And don’t get me wrong, everything is definitely not peachy keen all the time, but we work through our differences and I think we’re stronger for them. However, I don’t know if he feels the same way.

This past weekend we finally had it out with one another, and I realized that we are just not meant to be. He has told me that he sees us together in our future, but he’s never seen us married. Not only that, he’s not ready to make that kind of commitment. It’s extremely frustrating when you know someone for so long and you can predict every single word out of their mouth; so why was I so surprised to find out that he felt that way?

I think it’s because I’ve romanticized our relationship through other people’s words. But this weekend it has become apparent that if we aren’t heading that direction, then what is really keeping me here in Texas? Why do I keep putting my life on hold for someone who doesn’t even seem interested in making changes for our relationship and for the better?

Something his uncle said when he and my boyfriend were drunk off their asses last night, really really hurt my feelings. “You’re not family and until you are married, your opinion doesn’t matter.” What was my boyfriend’s response to that? A laugh and a nod. Well – excuse me, jack ass, but last I checked I’ve been more to him than his family has been recently. Where does someone get off saying shit like that? But what hurts even more is the reaction of my boyfriend. What really irks me more is earlier in the evening the same uncle was like “You have to go to so and so’s wedding, because you’re practically family.” Honestly… what the fuck?

So now what, you may ask?

I am no longer going to resign myself to this kind of treatment. I am no longer going to go out of my way to be with my boyfriend. I’m going to prioritize my family and relationships differently. No longer is it going to be my family and then my boyfriend/friends; nope, it’s now going to officially be friends/boyfriend.

If I keep waiting around for him to decide if he really wants to be with me and if he really is ready for the kind of commitment that I am, my life will never start. His uncle is right about one thing though, I am leaving. And whether my boyfriend goes with me or not, well, that’s his choice. However, the first chance out of Texas that comes along – I’m sure as hell going to take it.