I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while now, I’ve learned almost everything I think possible – and then the surprise comes. I’ve learned that it’s next to impossible to learn everything about my partner. There is always room for something else to pop up.
The things I do know:
1. He is always late. To everything. There is no way around it – he will always be late.
2. He loves me. I’m pretty sure there is a limit to this love though, as I’ve realized that he’s not willing to budge on things that are important to him but more than willing to do so with things important to me.
3. He is insanely generous. He doesn’t every say ‘no’ really. He does when it doesn’t matter – like that new stuffed friend that I really don’t need but insist on getting for the first 5 minutes when only a minute later I’m moving on to the next shiny thing.
4. He is passionate about dork’o’nomics. Computers, games, gadgets, etc… but I’m pretty sure this is a general guy phenomenon.
And I could continue on this list, but I haven’t time at the moment. But the deep part of all this is I don’t see very much compromise on his end. He has an impossible strength to not find the compromise in all situations. I will get upset with him and become irrational with him a lot of times; and he will still not be able to find the compromise. I have to blantantly point it out to him and spell the situation out.
Is it just me or should this be something someone learns easily or something that will always be an impossibility for him? Is it one of those “guy things” that us women should just accept? Am I a complete an udder terror that I just can’t accept that as an answer?
I want so much to be able to see his side of things, but I find myself blocked a lot of the time. Now I’ve found that his lateness doesn’t bother me anymore – but it bothers our friends around us terribly. I hate always being the people that show up late and now being labeled as it’s just “them”… because it’s NOT me. It’s SOOOOO not me. I’m always creepily on time. I will try on mornings that my boss says “Nicole, come in whenever…” to be late and it’s IMPOSSIBLE. I will leave thirty minutes after my normal time to arrive late and I will eerily be on time like nothing happened.
Something has to be wrong with me, right? This shouldn’t bother me so much, should it? Why do I find it impossible that there is no compromise on his end?
NOW… the flipside.
Should I compromise my beliefs to accommodate him?
I am always early; I am always holding ‘us’ together; I am always the ‘strong’ one. However, I am completely biased. Do I start to lag on my end to see if he can pick up the slack?
I’ve already stopped contacting him during the day… I don’t seek out his attention… don’t worry about getting together really… Sometimes I feel like I am way too demanding. But after three years of a relationship, I should be able to expect more, correct? Or is it just one of those things that I will always just have to accept him as he is?
This past Saturday I had it. I broke down finally and tried to break up with him. Really, I did. He had left – drove down the street and everything. I sat on the floor of my living room crying for about ten minutes before I remembered I still had his apartment key so if I didn’t give that to him then I wouldn’t have been able to do it later.
I called him then and asked him to come back to get the key. As he walked up to my front door I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I want him in my life… no I need him in my life. This couldn’t possibly be healthy, but I think it’s beyond that now.
I can take all of the pain, the heart ache, the anger and the sad times if they are scattered throughout the love, the caring, the fun and the way he makes me feel. But is this something that can carry us through to forever? I never found myself thinking about “forever” before him. And now I can’t imagine the “forever” without him. Am I crazy?
How does one know if the other person feels the same way? How do I bring this up to him? How do I work through the compromise issue? How do I become the someone he needs without losing the someone I am?
Does anyone have these answers??